For a long time, I felt like a failure. I would try new trading strategies, new ways of thinking, new goals, new relationships – but I would never be satisfied. During this time of my life I wanted to improve. For every goal, I didn’t lack desire. But things seemed to stall after a while. I lost interest in the goals, the commitments, plans, or relationships. By moving to the next project, I would re-energize myself temporarily.
Repeatedly, I’d set a trading goal (sometimes the same one) and then lose steam somewhere along the way. Or I’d begin a book and then fail to complete it. Or, I’d start a relationship and blow it because I wasn’t disciplined enough to love unselfishly. Worst of all, I’d enter a trade, set my stops and limits, then completely forget about those stops and limits. I lost a lot of money that way. I was gambling with my trades, my relationships, and my life.
Inevitably, I’d start over, promise myself I wouldn’t do the same thing again….
Life became for me a series of next followed by next. Most of the time, I didn’t consciously move from one to the other; I usually skipped to the next project with the rationale that I had finally found what I was meant to do. With each next, I brought back the spark of life that I had missed. However, each next brought a smaller and less enduring amount of passion.
This process eventually became unbearable.
It became unbearable because I lacked the discipline to finish what I started.
Someone once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. As far as I’m concerned, the person who sad that was an idiot. Once I ate 14 scoops of ice cream in one sitting, but that didn’t mean that I shouldn’t eat ice cream any longer.2 It is perfectly okay for you to set the same goal over and over, as long as it’s the right goal for you and you care deeply about succeeding. My life is proof that you can try things more than once (like relationships) and expect success every time, regardless and in spite of past failures. The problem with the search for discipline is that most of us are afraid to keep trying the same thing over and over – we quit too quickly, and therefore we proclaim ourselves sane because we accepted the apparent futility of our actions. Well, discipline is all about not giving up, and trying the same (right) thing over and over until you get it right.
I really believe that you and I cannot be exceptionally happy without discipline, in the same way that we cannot be exceptionally organized, wealthy, persuasive, or intelligent. We can be mediocre at anything without discipline (I have proven this time and time again). We can get through life just fine. We can be loved. We can enjoy our work. We can have a pleasant family life. If mid-level jobs, mid-level wealth, and mid-level happiness are acceptable to us, then acquiring discipline might not be worth the effort.
But I suspect that you’re reading this book (and I wrote it) because we’re unsatisfied with mediocrity. You’re the kind of person who feels like they want more out of life and you’re willing to improve any way possible. As far as the rest of the people out there – those who don’t care if they improve – well, they’re in good company! The nightclub of mediocrity is a great place to meet people. The majority of all humans unconsciously – or consciously – choose mediocrity. For a long time, I was a part of that mediocre majority.
Think quickly: who is the greatest person you have ever known? You can’t answer that question and tell me that the person was mediocre. I’m not saying that the person was famous, or that the person didn’t have any problems. I’m saying that you are impressed by that person because they were more than ordinary. And, more importantly, this person was extraordinary because they were – consciously or not – a disciplined person.
When I think of one of the greatest people I’ve known, I think of my aunt. She never played professional sports, ran a company, or appeared on television. She wasn’t famous or rich. She was a psychotherapist in New York City. So, if she lacked fame and fortune, what made her great?
My aunt wrote her PhD dissertation on successful techniques of providing counseling to people with full-blown AIDS. These people had years to live (at most) and months to live (at worst). She counseled with these people. She helped them work through some of life’s most painful issues: regret, sorrow, physical pain, and death. Most of her patients died before she completed her dissertation. I can’t imagine the discipline that it required for her to finish this labor of love even as her patients passed away.
Without expectation of reward, she served these people selflessly and without judging them.
Here’s an exercise for you:
Quick! Think of that great person again. A person who has influenced your life for the better. Write in the blanks below why that person affected your life. Say more about that person:
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Now that you’ve taken the time to think about this person’s story, ask yourself a question: How many influential people, like the one above, do you know? Probably only one or two. Or very few. When I just wrote this question, I instantly thought of my aunt again, who worked with over 200 dying people in the late 1980’s, comforting them, counseling them, without compensation. I have known very few people as unselfish as she.
She could have completed a dissertation of lesser importance. One that perhaps required fewer sorrowing experiences. But she made a choice to do something that her heart told her to do, and she disciplined herself to complete the research.
By refusing to accept the status quo, my aunt forever claimed a place in her nephew’s life, and in the lives of those she served. Likewise, if you choose to reject mediocrity and settle only for superior performance from yourself, then you are putting yourself on the fringes of society. You are willing to do what your heart tells you to do, despite obstacles, sorrow, fear, distraction – all those things that would prevent us from succeeding. In a sense, you are willing to stand alone. Near the end of her research, as my aunt cried (and typed a bit of her dissertation), and then cried some more, she felt as alone as she had ever felt … nearly every patient she had treated was dead.
To summarize, here’s the paradox: Even though discipline is the great separator – and sets us apart from those who accept mediocrity, you’ll also find that as you follow your heart with discipline, others will be attracted to you. You will influence the lives of others for good. You will be an example to those around you of the fact that all of us, no matter what, have a calling, and that you have the power to succeed.
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